An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
