So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
