Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize