he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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