Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
