i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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