im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
