The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
