so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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