He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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