he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
