Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
