my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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