Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
