She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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