Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
