3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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