Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
