We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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