Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
