I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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