Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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