I got chris browned last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
