ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
