just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
