I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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