he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The air was thick with penises
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how drunk are you?
Several
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
