i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
