I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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