Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
