Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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