Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
