I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
