i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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