how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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