That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
