I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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