Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
