no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
