Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
