Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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