would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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