'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
