i just wanna soil my oats bro
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
