I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to make out with him forever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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