i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
