Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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