as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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