I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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