Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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