Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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