Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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