So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
