Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
