I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
