i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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