I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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