His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
