susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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